the dentist

My little munchkin took her first trip to the dentist the other day. She has a mouth full of teeth, and healthy teeth is a huge thing to me. We went to Little Peoples Dental and they were fantastic! Dr. Stewart was fantastic, and gave me really good tips. The whole staff was so cute with Payton. She got a new toothbrush, and now lets me brush her teeth much better than before!

Halloween!

This year Halloween had to be a little different since Josh had Payton. I made the most of it though, and was able to do some fun things with her. Besides the haunted train ride, Payton and I went to our ward Halloween party. They had a chili cook-off and lots of fun activities for kids. I have a new love for my ward, and I am really glad we went. Next Halloween is mine, and I am already thinking about our costumes and a party.

Haunted Canyon Train Ride

This weekend we headed up Provo Canyon and took the kiddos on the Heber Creeper Haunted Canyon train ride. It was a little silly, but perfect for the young kids. Payton kept saying "Choo Choo!" while we were waiting for the train. It was so cute. This is definitely something we will be doing again next year.

Utah State Fair

We visited the Utah State Fair today. Payton loved the pony rides the best. Ponies, sheep, goats, and frozen lemonade. A great way to end the summer.

look what I found

While mowing my lawn this summer I noticed fruit on the two trees in my backyard. I am pretty sure there was not fruit on them this large last year, but maybe I just don't remember. These pics are a few weeks old, and the apples are huge! Kinda fun.

Just a quick update on how we are doing, not like anybody reads this anymore though.

Payton is doing fantastic. She is talking so much and I love to hear what she comes up with next. She has her favorite bear that goes with her everywhere, has to try food before she does, and everybody has to give him a kiss before you can give her one. She is quite stubborn, but still has the sweetest personality. She amazes me more and more every day.

I am doing....well okay. Today has been a really bad week, and it is only Wednesday. I made the decision to take Sergeant to the Humane Society, and for those who know me well, this was not an easy decision. I am still crying about it and probably will for weeks, or months.

The divorce is moving along slowly, but hopefully we will be officially divorced in a few weeks. This hasn't come without weekly drama, for example today Josh and I spent 6+ hours arguing in text about a 3 hour visit. This is how my life will be until Payton is 18. Awesome.

The cakes are going really well. I would love to do more, but they seem to come in spurts. I love the practice and the expression on peoples face when they see them. I am so glad I put myself out there and decided to do this.

Well, that is just a little bit of what is going on with us. Any further explanation would not be something I could write out. I am really hoping for the day that I can write on here, "well, nothing much has happened lately"   I miss the boring days.......

Bathroom Re-Do

I warned this bathroom that it would be next. The best part? I was able to redo it without any input from Josh! This was the last room upstairs that had not been touched since we moved in, and I was ready for some color. I am changing the accent color throughout my kitchen and family room to this bright turquoise, so I decided to carry it into this bathroom. New accessories and an amazing new granite counter top, and I love it!

Summer

What says summer better than watermelon on the patio?

Pink Chair and Piggytails

           Alright, I have neglected my blog long enough that half of you probably don't even check to see if I have updated anymore. I'm telling you, this whole private thing really annoys me.
          We have been quite busy with the warm weather we have been having. I took Payton to the splash park that is just down the street from my house and she LOVED it. As we were walking up to it she squealed with delight. So cute. She is becoming such a little lady I can't believe it. It is amazing how fast she picks up on things. My mom got her that cute chair for her room in the picture above. I have found Sergeant sitting in it more often than I would like, but Payton likes to climb up in it, eat snacks, and yell, "mama!" until I respond from wherever I am in the house. I can't even explain how much I love her.

          I have been working really hard on my goals from my last post, and I am proud to say I am still going strong. I may however wear myself out because I am trying to accomplish all of them at once. I am just so glad I have a lot of positive things going on to keep me busy. Just don't look at my yard today because I have not had a chance to weed this week yet. The rain is not helping the morning glory stay out of my flower beds.

          I started a cake decorating class this week and I can already tell I am going to love it. Lots of the things we learned our first day were familiar, but there were so many little tips that can really help. If you haven't already noticed, for fun I started a blog for my cakes and added the link to my blog list. I had a lot of fun designing the logo and Aubrey came and took some pictures. (thanks again Aubs!) I wanted a name for this blog so I asked my clever dad who immediately came up with DoodlePie Cakes. He has called me DoodlePie ever since I remember, although I have no idea why. I thought it sounded whimsical and cute so I went with it. Check out the blog and let me know what you think!

Goals

So lately I have been trying to focus on things that I can control rather than things (or people) that I can't. When I get an idea, I have started entering in my phone things I would like to work on or accomplish. I'm going to share this list with you so you can make sure I am doing it. :)

1. Exercise-and really do it, not just talk about doing it

2. Be a better friend

3. Practice the violin and piano to play in a symphony again

4. Don't be "that house" on my street with all the weeds and overgrown yard

5. Focus on the positive

6. Get a pedicure every 6 weeks

7. Be more outgoing and try to meet new people

8. Run my own decorative cake business*

9. Keep my house clean

10. Work 35 hours a week

Here is 10 to start me off. Some are defiantly easier than others, like the pedicure. The hardest one on there for me is totally going to be meeting new people since I am unnaturally shy. I'm trying really hard to work on myself so that I can be the best example for Payton. Obviously some of these things are going to take years, like he cake business and perhaps keeping my house clean, but I have all the time in the world. It is really crazy (and scary) not knowing what the future holds for me and Payton. Perhaps a little exciting.......

* Remember this?

I had toyed with photography before my camera got hijacked, (and yes folks, I WILL be getting that back one day) but I had so much fun with cake decorating that I would like to try my hand at this. I need your help though. I need practice, and lots of it. I don't even want to expose my thighs to the possibility of cakes piling up in my kitchen, so for $25 or less I would like to make a cake for your celebration. I am charging only for supplies (hence the "less" part) because I am not a professional. I really would just like the practice and to start a portfolio of samples. So for your next birthday, baby shower, anniversary, graduation, holiday, a Wednesday, but no weddings, (I'm not confident enough for that...yet) give me a call or send me an email and we can work something out. Dani (801) 856-4452 danielled17@yahoo.com

Update

I'm feeling unmotivated about my blog for no good reason. I think it is the whole private thing. I dunno. As most of you know I spent last weekend in the hospital having surgery. I have been having stomach pains for quite awhile, and the past few months it has gotten pretty bad. I assumed it was stress related and would eventually go away as soon as my life calmed down, but I decided to get it checked out anyway. I went to my doctor and a CT scan later I was told he was referring me to a surgeon to have things checked out because he was concerned about my liver. Also, if I had the pain again it would be wise to head to the ER. Awesome. The next day I headed to the ER. Another set of tests later, a new doctor told me I have gallstones and I would need surgery to have my gallbladder removed. My response? Of course I do. This is just the kind of thing I need right now. I tried to keep in good spirits, hey some more time off work isn't too shabby right? Two surgeries later (apparently there was a gallstone lodged in some sort of valve that required a second surgery) and I was recovering in the hospital for the night, then sent home the next day.

I'm feeling pretty good now. I'm back to doing my normal routine. I guess this was a blessing in disguise that this happened now while I am still covered by Josh's amazing insurance. Payton was a rock star during the whole thing too. She had no problem spending a few nights at my parents. I'm so grateful she is such a happy little thing.

In other news, Josh was finally served with divorce papers. This has brought a whole new wave of emotions for me. I knew this was coming, I filed a month ago. It has started to really sink in that this is actually happening and the life I thought I would have is no more. He needs to make the next move now. He now knows what I want and expect out of the unfortunate divorce.

Hopefully things will just kinda move forward now and I can figure out what my new "normal" is going to be. Thanks again for all of your support during this crazy time. Love you all!!

Easter Dress

I love this girl, and she is loving the recent warm weather. (however as I write this, it is snowing outside. whatever) These are the only pictures I got from Easter because my Nikon is being held hostage. It doesn't matter though, cuz I think she is the cutest thing anyway.

Private

As most of you can see from the comments on the last post, Josh's family views what happened quite differently than I do. I think it is one thing to post your opinion on your own blog, but to start harassing somebody by making annonomys comments on their blog, well that is just sad. Luckily I have a pretty good idea of who it was. I have no idea at what point they all turned on me. A few weeks ago they were all telling me how horrible this all was that this was happening and that I deserved so much better than their son and brother. Who knows, and at this point, I really don't care.

Thanks for everybodys support. That's what has helped me so much. Regardless of what Josh's family thinks my marriage was like, it only took a few times meeing Josh and I to see who the problem was. They used to believe that too.

So...

Due to recent biased and untrue remarks made by someone who thinks they know everything and has all the right answers, I am going to have to do something I never wanted to and make my blog private. I am learning there are less and less people I can trust to have access to where I can write my thoughts and opinions. If you read my blog, please leave your email address as a comment, or send me a message with it on facebook. I plan on going pivate this Wednesday Friday.

I've got to laugh about it though, cuz I should have realized that this was going to happen sooner or later.

Anyway on the bright side, when my blog goes private, the gloves really come off, cuz I can react to Josh however I want to.

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them

I don't know what my problem is lately. I felt like I was doing really great considering my situation, but for some reason these past few days I have felt like bursting into tears at any minute. I filed for divorce this week which was such a bittersweet thing. I know that it was the next step in moving on, but it just doesn't seem real. I kinda feel like I'm having a horrible dream. Josh is going to be furious when he gets served because our idea of what is "fair" is completely different. Poor Payton has been sick with a cold for what seems like forever. Tonight while I was trying to get some sleep before work she was coughing so hard she threw up all over in her crib. Poor thing. She is such a trooper though and luckily being sick doesn't affect her mood. Which reminds me that I came back to work about a week ago after a leave of absence, and adjusting to my horrible schedule is getting the best of me. Working 1am-7am four days a week is tough, but thankfully that will change in June. Although I don't know how much better 9pm to 530am is. I'm thinking my lack of sleep has had some contribution to my thoughts. Also, Josh has told me things that he has been doing that I would probably be better off not knowing (like inviting her to dinner with his family and their welcome of her with open arms), and I think that is what got me into this funk. My family (especially mom) has helped me out a ton. I'm so glad Payton is as young as she is. Thankfully she isn't old enough to understand what is going on and the bad choices her dad continues to make. Anyway, I don't mean to sound whiny and just complain. I do have a lot of things I am happy about. The things in my previous post for example, and this has really given me a chance to step back and see how my relationship with Josh really was. My mom told me the quote on the title of this post the other day by Maya Angelou "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." I just wish I would have believed him two years ago when he showed me who he was.

5 things

5 things I can smile about

1. Payton

2. Support of friends and family

3. Cutting myself some bangs

4. warmer weather

5. Karma

the truth

Well, the time has come to explain what has happened to me in the last 2 weeks. Well, the last 2 years really. I wanted my blog to try and tell the real truth about what has been going on in our lives without unloading too much personal stuff, but also not acting like our lives are perfect and you should all want to be us. So since my life has changed dramatically in the last 2 weeks, it would be best to explain why. Josh and I are getting a divorce. Many say it was a long time coming, and I guess now I can see that too, I just really wanted things to work out with us. I felt like I had the fairytale life. High school sweethearts, waited for Josh while he went on a mission, married in the temple, bought a home, found out we were pregnant. It was when I was about 3 months pregnant that this idea I had of our lives came crashing down. Josh and I became very distant, and I found out he had been having an affair with a coworker. We had considered divorce then quite a bit. Josh could not decide if he wanted to stay with his pregnant wife, or continue his relationship with this *insert bad word here* he had been cheating with and claimed he loved. I felt it was at that point that I really lost who I was. I had lost Josh too. I couldn't understand how he could do this to me, especially after he knew I was pregnant. This girl and I are also complete opposites. She is on her second marriage, 2 children from different fathers, enjoys getting drunk, and is a smoker. I still don't get it. I started to question everything I had ever believed in. Marriage, the church, myself, everything I had such a strong testimony in became something I no longer felt was important. Josh moved out for about a month and then we decided to try and make things work between the two of us. I honestly felt like things got much better. We decided to move to get a fresh start. We thought a new ward would help us get back to church. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. To my huge surprise Josh came to me and said he was really unhappy, and did not think he could be happy with me for the rest of his life. This was a huge shock to me. I had been depressed about my job and still had insecurities about the previous affair because he still worked with her everyday, but I did not feel like our lives were headed down this road again. Josh moved out saying he was very confused about what he wanted, but assured me over and over he had not been cheating again, and that he hadn't even talked to her. I believed this until I found an email he sent about 3 days after moving out to this same girl talking about how they were going to afford bills, ideas on how he wanted to remodel her house, how he wanted to be able to take care of her and her kids, that he couldn't stop thinking about her, and that he just wanted to "wrap her in his arms". I couldn't breathe for about 5 min. I confronted him and he said he had never stopped loving her. He also later admitted he had spent the night at her house after moving out. Once again, my world came crashing down. I knew this time we would be getting a divorce. At this point I have no idea what will happen. For some reason, Josh has become so hateful towards me, and I don't know why. I am working on my feelings towards him. I want to hate him, and I at least have a good reason, but I was with him for 8 years and I still care about him. He is the father to Payton, and a good one, so he will always be in my life. I'm so hurt by his actions and don't understand how anybody could cheat on the one they stood next to in the temple. I have a huge support system in my family and friends. I would not be doing as well as I am today if I didn't. I am so thankful for them who stood by my side during this whole disaster. I'm sure Josh and some of his family members are going to be furious that I have put all this on here, but I am just telling what has happened, and not my personal opinions about Josh or his girlfriend. I don't feel I need to protect Josh and what he has done to our family. He blames me for the ending of our marriage, and I know there are 2 sides to every story, but I have just given the facts.

For now I am just trying to be the best mom to Payton as well as working on myself. I have been through a lot at the age of 23. I am working on rebuilding my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and trying to get past all the hurt. At this point I just want to look forward.

I'm still going to blog here about what is going on with Payton and I. I have lots of fun plans for the upcoming summer. This is a new chapter of our lives we are still adjusting to it, but I am excited for what the future holds for us.

Tile back splash....check

We really like projects. Well, at least I really do. I think Josh does, or at least he just lets me start them. We have had a lot of fun with this house. It needed a lot of work when we moved in. (that's what you get with a foreclosure, along with an amazing deal) At our last house we felt we had done a lot. Painting small upgrades to fixtures and things like that. We did completely gut the master bath, but my dad really did most of that. When we bought this house there were lots of things we needed to change, so we decided to go big (and when I say "big", I mean credit card debt) and do the things we really wanted, not just cheap. We love doing the projects ourselves, and frankly, we couldn't afford to hire them out. We have learned how to do so many things too. In our new house we have painted just about every wall, changed out almost all the fixtures, re-did the basement, and the biggest one was laying over 700sq feet of hardwood floors. Whew! It was exhausting. i had a list of all the things I wanted to get done to the house after the move, and almost a year later, we have finished the last project on that list. Tiling the back splash. Josh and I have never tiled before. We decided that the back splash would be a great start, and I am pretty dang excited with how it turned out. I am so ready to start making a new list of projects, and you can bet that tiling something will be on it.

Our guest bathroom better watch out. It is totally next.

this girl with the messy hair*....

is very sick. A few days ago she just had a stuffy nose, which we could handle. Today, she is acting like she just can't go on. The poor thing spent most of the day like this:


cuddled in a blanket, on her daddy's lap, eyes half-closed, and brownie on her face. (she was not about to let me wipe that off. After 3 days of wiping her nose, there was no way I was gonna get close to that brownie) I am really hoping she is doing better tomorrow. I just feel so bad for her when she is sick.

*on a side note, her hair doesn't always look like this. I was just looking through my pictures noticing there was a lack of pictures with her hair actually done, if any at all. I actually had it cut a few weeks ago, so when I style it (which sometimes causes tears from both parties involved) it looks way cute. Just thought I should explain why in most of the pictures on this blog, she looks like a homeless child. I love her to pieces anyway :)

Boardin' with the Boys

For a well needed break from life (mostly work, it is really stupid right now) we headed to Wolfe Mountain for some snow boarding. I haven't been since middle school, so I expected to be a little rusty. I got back into my old groove pretty quick, or so I thought. I am sure paying for it today. I am so stinking sore. I can barely walk, and for some reason, my arms are killing me. Really? Why are my arms killing me. I don't remember using my arms that rigorously for snowboarding, but apparently I did, or maybe because the rest of my body is in pain my arms felt left out. I don't know. We had a big group going, but most dropped out so we ended up with Cody, Jeff, and Josh and I. So fun, and something I would love do be able to do often so I can practice, but certainly not anytime soon. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find the heating pad.

Big Changes!

And no, I'm not pregnant. (It is seriously insane how many people ask me that. My baby just turned 1, and I am only 23. yeesh!)

So here is the reason we have been so busy. We have been working on our basement getting things ready for my sis to move in. The basement was finished when we moved, but like the rest of the house it was kinda a mess. So we used our DIY skills (and a lot of help from my dad) and made it look great.

One of the 2 bedrooms

Full Bath

Family Room

This originally was a 1/2 bath, but we turned it into a laundry room

Kitchen-we are waiting for the island counter top because it had to be special ordered.

It is so nice to know that the basement is just done, and that it can be nice for Nicki. We are certainly excited for the extra money, and she gets to save some as well. Win-win for everybody! She moved in last weekend and things seem to be going great so far. She has her own separate entrance so everybody gets to have their privacy, and the cousins get to play!